Well I'll tell you what I think, I think the old adage "Life is a Bitch, and then you Marry One", might have some merit. That's what I think.

So you think dating is bad when you are living, imagine what a bitch it is when you are dead.  Where does one go now a days when looking for a potential corpse bride? Churches tend to frown on us showing up again after our funeral.  At the grocery store we get reminded how unripe our fruit is, and at the laundry mat there is always that awkward  conversation about the stains on our clothing not being what they think it is. So where does a Zombie go when looking for love? Why the internet of course!

Ah the internet, where you are free to be someone completely different from who you are. Where every woman is a beauty queen, and every man is a millionaire trust fund baby. That is until you actually meet them in person.  Face it dating sucks, whether you are living or dead. It is a necessary evil in order to find some modicum of happiness in our day to day lives that we can share with someone besides our cat. No offense Mr. Underfoot.

Why do we put ourselves through this hell in order to find someone who doesn't find us completely revolting after 10 minutes?  Contrary to popular belief even in death a man has needs that fresh brains cannot satisfy. Finding a companion with brains is of course a must, but they must have so much more, and that is when it gets tricky I suppose.

I was asked recently why I am single, what with all my charming attributes and gravishly good looks. Quite frankly it is both a matter of  choice and and also because of how much I despise the dating rituals that tend to wreck havoc on my existence.  It has been my experience that dating tells you next to nothing about who you are with other than the fact they aren't the beauty queen or millionaire they pretend to be online. Alas though it is in reality one of the flaming hoops of bullshit one must leap through in order to meet a desirable end so I soldier on hoping to find my dead ringer in a barrel of rotten Jimmy Choos.

With that in mind I recently started that online dating thing again, but this time it will be different. At least that is what I am passing off as inspiration for myself.  This time instead of being a "hunter" looking for the perfect blend of brains, beauty, and spirit,  I am going to go the "fishing" route and dip my hypothetical pole into the dating waters and wait to see what bites, figuratively or otherwise. I am told often that patience has its virtues, and being a dead guy I have all the time in the world to wait. So long as I can manage to avoid any potential brushes with a Redneck with a Remington, this plan should work out a helluva lot better than my plan to take over Wall Street by pissing off a lot of college kids with nothing better to do, and checkbooks full of Mommy and Daddy's money.

Now you're on your own.